The basis of our relationship is communication and each temperament has a different means of communicating. Each temperament also needs varying amounts of information before being able to make a decision. An Ocean temperament would need 60% information before they make a decision; a Fountain around 70%; a Lake 80% and a Snow 200%!
“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it… it dies.” – Tony Gaskins
This plays out in normal life, every day! Let’s use John and Amy as an example*. John’s main temperament is Ocean and Amy is Snow. They need to buy a new family car. John and Amy had been saving up and finally they were ready to go shopping! The only decision they had to make was what car to buy… Easy, right? No such luck. This wonderful blessing that they were looking forward to ended in a huge fight with Amy in tears and John completely in the dark as to what he did wrong. Sounds familiar?
John knew what he wanted. A white Honda, Toyota or Ford that comfortably seats everyone in the family, within their predefined budget, with a maintenance plan.
Amy knew the specifications of the car, but wanted to make sure that they had all the information of all the different options available on the market, in order to get the best value for their money. She went to great lengths and effort to finally get a top 10 list and proudly presented the list to John. John looked at the list and chose the white Toyota in a second. “Don’t you want to at least consider all the others? I spent a lot of time on research” Amy asked. “Now that was unnecessary Amy”, John replied. “Why do you need to go overboard on everything?” Amy was shocked. She wanted to ensure that they got the best possible car for their family. “Why don’t you care about our family’s money and safety?” she fought back. John, looking irate, sighed and gave the final blow, “You are just like your mother! Why must every single decision always involve a research document?!?”
As an Ocean, John needs less information to feel comfortable to make a decision, but Amy, as a Snow, needs the exact opposite - she needs a lot of information. As a couple, they now understand this reality and are now living life and approaching their marriage differently. When they recently decided to go on holiday, it was decided that Amy would look at all the options and present John with her top 5. John then looked at Amy’s top 5 (with all the pros and cons!) and they voted on the best option for their family together. John now appreciates the fact that Amy will go to great lengths to uncover the best options, and Amy appreciates John’s ability to take leadership and help her come to a decision.
Understanding and accepting each other’s temperaments has a huge influence on how they now tackle different tasks and conversations in their marriage.
Their secret breakthrough was taking up the Marriage Capsule challenge and doing the eCourse that included the full LOFS Temperament test.
Do you want to do the full LOFS test and understand yourself and your partner better? Do you want to make better decisions and have better communication in your marriage just like John and Amy?